Wedding Etiquette

By Grace Hamlin married to Curtis Hamlin on November 14, 2009

By now I am sure you have noticed that all aspects of wedding planning requires a certain etiquette and incorporating family heirlooms and traditions is no exception. When including these delightful details in your special day it is important to pay attention to three helpful guidelines:

Etiquette Rule Number One: Ask for Permission

When I got engaged, the particular family piece I had my eye on was a veil my grandmother made.  I approached her and asked if she knew where the veil was that my mom and aunt had worn and when she tracked it down we found out it hadn’t been stored properly and the 20 + feet of lace had fallen victim to mold.  Once my grandmother had lovingly removed the mold inch-by-inch, I officially asked my aunt, mother and grandmother for permission to wear the veil.  Not only did I ask for permission to wear the veil, but I asked for permission to alter it since I wanted to have it mounted on a comb. It had originally been worn on some sort of 1960’s crown and then on a chain of daisies in the 1970’s – those of you who know me know the daisies look would not have worked on me the way it worked on my sweet mother.  The key etiquette here is to ask for permission. For those of you who have seen the movie 27 Dresses, you are familiar with that gut-wrenching scene where Katherine Heigl’s clueless sister totally reworks their deceased mother’s wedding dress to the point where it is unrecognizable without with out ever having asked her older sister’s feelings on the matter. Weddings are a beautiful time but they can also be a sensitive time – this is a good time to be especially careful of your family and loved ones feelings (and vice versa). So the bottom line in etiquette when incorporating family treasures is to be considerate and ask for permission.

Etiquette Rule Number Two: Keep It Safe

This piece of advice isn’t as much about etiquette but is equally, if not more important – guard these treasures. If you aren’t as lucky as I was to have a wedding planner like Nicole to protect these priceless pieces, then find a trustworthy friend or family member who is assigned to your particular item and have them guard it with their life. Chances are this heirloom is very special to you or someone else and that someone else wants it back the way they found it. So make like a Girl Scout and leave that camp site better than you found it if you catch my drift. 

Etiquette Rule Number Three: Be Creative

So maybe this isn’t an etiquette rule but I wanted to make sure I found a way to include as many loved ones as possible. After talking to Nicole about fun ways to incorporate family memorabilia we decided to create a guest book table to include photos of our family members on their wedding day. Not everyone has family jewels or Scottish kilts to pass down so get creative. Maybe you could read a passage that was read at your grandparents wedding or mimick the style of your parents wedding invitation on your own. What we did with the guestbook table wasn’t necessarily a wedding heirloom, but it was a fun way to honor special people in our lives and a beautiful reminder of what this blessed day is truly about – a lifelong commitment to loving one another.

Whether you’re having a funky, modern, vintage, or formal wedding, integrating a family tradition or heirloom is a wonderful way to make a special day even more memorable. Just remember to ask permission, keep it safe and be creative.

The veil, mold free and making its third (and hopefully not last) trip down the aisle.

One of our priceless pieces, my grandmother’s handkerchief that she walked up the aisle with on her wedding day. We put it on a silver tray and used it as a ring tray.

Here we are using a wedding present from my grandparents, French 17th century champagne glasses that we used for our toasts.

Our Guest Book with family pictures.

** Photos by Katie Beyer